GETTING INTIMATE ABOVE 40

Intimacy is one word that defines a good working relationship. You get intimate because you really want a relationship to work. You want to feel loved and love the person back, not because he/she is the perfect match but because love is a natural thing. This all encompassing word could be very challenging and varies with age. Relationship for youths is given a different definition from the older folks. Youthful marriage is always vibrant, lively, sparkling, full of desperation etc, but this tend to decrease with age. The older they become, the less attractive they find the relationship. With this, one would be prompted to ask if it’s not the same set of couples that

MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK A SECOND TIME

If she had stayed up till now, it would have been three years Christine walked out of her marriage of 15 years that produced two kids. She hasn’t faired any better for the past 24+ months and has not enjoyed the company of a better half. The husband on the other hand had wished it never happened and reconciliation didn’t work either.

It all started in 2010; just as we were about to take our dinner, walked in this beautiful lady heavily pregnant. My husband had a business trip so we weren’t expecting him for the next two days. I thought perhaps we had a new neighbour who came for familiarization visit. She was looking quite innocent and had her pregnancy approaching delivery.

ARE YOU IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

Having a long lasting, mutually satisfying relationship is possible; you just have to make the relationship work. You may not have to be into big public displays of affection. Some couples love in a much quieter, subtler way, one that’s brought them both great happiness, as well as the capacity to endure challenges and hardship. People in successful relationships owe much of their success to small acts of respect, compassion, anticipation, honesty and generosity.

When couples are in a state of distress and hopelessness about their partnership, it is often difficult for them to have a sense of what a healthy relationship looks like. When people feel isolated, separated or distanced from their partners, they react by becoming anxious, angry and controlling or they withdraw and put into themselves. We all need relationships for survival. Most couples understand this to some level but don’t have a sense of what it looks like to be connected and supportive of each other. Always treat your partner with respect, honesty and integrity. It takes a great deal of courage to allow oneself to risk being open to another person. This is even greater when that person really matters to us. Being sure to treat our partner the same way that we want to be treated strengthens our bonds.

Endeavour to be there if your partner is in distress and offer him/her a safe haven. We all need safe emotional connection and someone that we can depend on when we are upset, feeling down or feeling unsure of ourselves out in the world. Feeling emotionally isolated from our partner is terrifying. Learning to be there for each other when needed is the ultimate act of love.

 We all have our weaknesses and therefore should be willing to accept your partners weaknesses, not just their strengths, understanding where our partner is vulnerable and what their fears may be will create a sense of knowing what builds a strong foundation upon which a relationship can build and grow. We fall in love with our partner’s strengths and theirs with ours. It is the vulnerabilities and fears that create the bumps that is capable of creating a disconnect in the relationship.

It is important to always resolve conflicts in a general and loving way. When we feel secure with our partner, we are more able to resolve differences easily and not get caught in blaming each other and fighting to the death. Knowing that fights are really protests over emotional disconnection can aid you in moving more quickly to resolution.

Some couples don’t show interest in their partner’s life. This is a mistake. When there is a strong bond in a relationship, we are more open and curious to the things that excite our partner. We will not be able to create a strong connection unless we allow our partner to truly know us and for us to truly know them in return. Joining with our partner in things that make them happy creates the strong connections that we yearn for.

Learning to forgive your partner when they make mistakes helps you reconnect more readily when there is an upset. The willingness to attend to our partner’s deepest disclosures is the beginning of mutual responsiveness and healthy connection.

It is also advisable to show reassurance and support when we can, let our partner know that they are still loved even when we may be upset by their actions. Openness, attunement and responsiveness are key elements of a secure relationship.

Just as a flower will wilt and die if it is neglected, your relationship will also fail to thrive if you don’t take the time to nurture it. Celebrate the big and small moments in the relationship.

Love is a continual cycle of coming together and loosing connection. If we trust the connection, we shouldn’t feel so much distress when there is a disagreement. Ultimately, we know that our partner is there for us.

Going out on dates, making small gestures and creating rituals will strengthen the bond between you so that you can withstand the bumps that are inevitable in any relationship.

WHEN TO KISS THAT RELATIONSHIP GOODBYE

Relationship is a beautiful union of two human beings for the same course which begins when they find they are soul mates and customarily break up when they feel the other person as the most unsuitable match he/she can ever find. It is quite funny that the revolution is derived at many a time, within a very short span of time. At this instance, two possible questions arise: did they mistakenly conceive each other as soul mates? Or did they fail to meet up with the demands of the relationship? Whatever be the case, it is always advisable to quite a relationship when somebody feels it is horrible to continue. The most understood reason for dropping the attractions in a short time is getting into a relationship without proper analysis of the partner. Many couples decide to maintain relationships because of the peripheral attraction and by the time they realize what life is, they will be in a hooked up situation. It is better to leave a relationship if it gives only issues and dissatisfaction.

If you feel you no longer receive the due respect and concern, then it’s high time you watched where the clocking is ticking. This unionism should be one filled with cares and feelings for each other, trying to maximize comfort and always ready to watch each other’s back. Emotional or physical abuses are to be resisted in a relationship and one has to think twice immediately the reverse surfaces. There are trial times though but differentiating the sheep from the wolf is a key to survival. Modern relationships do not bind one to suffer lifelong even where incompatibility stares him/her on the face.

Romance is the sum of all the struggles and tensions undergone in relationships. People get into it to enjoy the romantic presence of the partner and accomplish the human tendency of loving and being loved. If one of the partners does not understand the importance of affection in a relationship, it cannot go further in effective manner. You need not compromise your life for a partner who is less affectionate or rude to you. Lack of romance is the obvious sign of lack of interest. When the love meter dips down perpetually, then one has to understand it as the right time to go away from the partner.

Trust is a delicate string that binds the partners in a relationship together. As soon as you realize broken trust in a relationship, leave without considering the consequence. Trust is a way of expressing the love, concern and value one feels for the other person. If any one of the partners doesn’t care about maintaining the trust, then it is always better to hold back.

When the relationship infuses into a persistent sad feeling, then it’s no longer beneficial. Thirst for happiness is said to be the driving force behind every action in human life. When the friendship offers you depression, rather than peaceful life, then going on with it and being optimistic things would get better wouldn’t make sense. But wait, before you draw conclusions, is the depression as a result of your own mentality or ignited by the courtship shortcomings. If the later is the case, then the relationship might be heading to the rocks. It ruins your personality if you make him/her a priority while you are only an option.

REASONS SOME WOMEN DUMP THEIR MEN

Chris has never imagined any woman could leave him for any reason. He was rich, handsome and had a sex appeal that women moon over. He has had the best women around and after playing the games, decided it was time to settle down. He met Tracy whom he considered his ideal woman and proposed after four months of courtship. She accepted and the marriage preparations commenced.

Somehow along the line, Tracy began to develop a cold feet, she realized that getting married to Chris wouldn’t only mean loosing her identity but much more. As the marriage date drew closer, she realized she couldn’t go ahead with it and not knowing how else to go about it i.e. telling him, she chose the only option she could handle; she disappeared on her wedding day and left her man stranded on the alter.

Break-ups and heart breaking for both men and women; yet, men and women dump partners at all times. There can be reasons or no reasons at all. Whatever it is, very fewer relationships are found to be ever sustaining and ever progressing. Women, many times, drop the relationship for obvious reasons. They are sensitive to the core and at the same time, bold to the extreme. They tend not to forget trivial mistakes, unforgivable actions can be ignored by them. The unpredictability of women makes it harder to analyze the most common reasons for them dumping their men. Each woman approaches relationships in a subjective way, thus what makes a serious reason for a woman to dump her man may seem ignorable by another.

Secondary or multiple affairs of men constitute a reasonable cause for many women dumping their men. Cheating or breaking trust is unforgivable for many of them and when found that the man is dating someone else too, they are most likely to avoid the man.

Another trust related reason is telling lies or pretending to be what you aren’t. Some men try to continue a relationship by twisting facts over and again just to cover their shortcomings. When men do not adhere to promises or commitments, it is considered as an act of distrust. Women generally, do not tolerate someone they can’t trust.

Another factor is when a woman feels that the man is becoming a control freak, enjoy ruling over everything without giving her a chance to exercise her own right, she may possibly get away from the relationship. Though men are and should be naturally authoritarian, excessive exhibition of this trait becomes a turn off. Dominance over her personal life is a feature most women detest from men. Suffice it to say that women are meant to be submissive but not to the detriment of their own freedom.