DO NOT ALLOW MONEY DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE

Secret bank accounts, hidden documents, fore closure notices, couples around the world are discovering shocking signs of financial infidelity.

Stephanie Cules, a successful career woman has got two kids, acquired landed properties and a production company built around her creative collaboration with her husband, their glamorous fast-paced life was the talk of the town until the night she took the dog out and grabbed her husband’s jacket instead of hers.

The coat felt strangely heavy and stiff, when Stephanie looked inside, she discovered the lining had been cut open and stuffed with a mail. “Out of this jacket comes out somebody else’s financial nightmare, except that my name was all over it: years of tax notices, eviction notices, repossession notices, tuition overdue notices, health insurance cancellation, we hadn’t had health insurance in eight months, and we were about to be evicted from our apartment,” she says. “We were three weeks away from living out in the apartment. It was horrifying.”

When she confronted her husband, he offered no explanation-shut down completely, she says.

Throughout their thirteen year relationship, Stephanie had managed their corporate business while her husband handled their personal finances. But while she signed their tax return every year, he apparently never filed them. “I had no idea I wasn’t paying taxes”, she said. Stephanie eventually learnt that their debts exceeded $100,000. she wondered what was wrong, but a few months later, her husband abruptly left her, and she found he had been having an affair. She is now getting a divorce and struggling to make sense of what happened.

“My life as I perceived it wasn’t my life”, she says. “All I thought we had and were wasn’t true at all”. Stephanie still can’t get over the fact that her husband never shared their financial troubles or let her help deal with them, a choice that left her feeling deeply betrayed.

That reaction is a telling sign of the times; in previous era, wives often had very different expectations. Back when everyone assumed that men made the money and the decisions, women didn’t necessarily believe they were entitled to share information, let alone power. But today, marriage is typically viewed as a partnership based on mutual trust, and when one partner violates that trust by keeping financial secrets, lying or making unilateral decisions that threaten a family’s welfare, the other partner can feel profoundly betrayed by a transgression that may be even more destabilizing than an affair.

Women are victimized more often than men. According to a study, 80% of women said their partners had lied to them about finances or debt. Among those who were deceived, more than 40% said it damaged the trust in their relationship, and for others, it resulted to divorce. It is not a one way thing though, men also fall victim to things of this nature.

Money is this massive pink elephant in some bedrooms and the problem had been heightened in the economic downturn, which is a painful backdrop for dealing with an issue that nobody wants to talk about.

The reasons for financial infidelity can vary. Some men conceal financial assets because they are secretly preparing to leave their wives, while others lie to their partners even as they remain committed to the relationship and expect it to survive.

MARRIAGE: A DIVINE ORIGIN

 

The coming together of a man and a woman in a holy matrimony, was not born out of a man’s idea, but it has God as its foundation. After God made Adam and put him in the garden, the Bible records in Genesis 2:18-24: The Lord God said, its not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him…Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man…The man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’, for she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife and they become one flesh.

Marriage is not a cultural thing, neither is it a man-made programme; it came directly from the mind of God. Lack of this understanding is the cause of many troubles that many are experiencing in their marriages today.

Before you venture into marriage, make sure you commune with God, and let Him choose for you. Do not choose by sight or allow someone’s advice influence your decision. It is only God that understands what is in a man and can choose for you aright. He is a God of priorities, sets up marriage before coming before coming down to fellowship in the cool of the day. Marital unions invite the presence of God on earth.

God showed his interest in marriage by personally fashioning the woman and delivering her to her husband. It is therefore untrue to assume that the union of a man and a woman in marriage is man’s idea, or a cultural and traditional affair. To enjoy God’s best in your marriage, you must make Him the centre of your home, you must be ready to accord him priority, recognizing him as the foundation for a successful marriage.

The problem with many couples is that they push God aside and yet expect to enjoy divine benefits. They ignore the word of God, and just as the Bible says; if the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do?

God is the foundation for success in the home. Marriage and family are the oldest institutions in the world; they must not be toyed with. The right place to begin from is a personal relationship with God.

MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE

It is the dream of every woman to find her own prince charming and Mr. Right, get married and be called Mrs. It is a dream they have harboured in their hearts since they were little. And when that husband comes in a package wrapped with success, the promise of life abroad and access to the good things of life, many women are likely to throw caution to the winds. Unfortunately for some, reality may sometimes be different from dreams and they find themselves trapped in between two worlds, neither married nor single. The story as reported bothers on distant marriage.

 My younger sister called me one day to tell me she had something very urgent and important to discuss with me. When she arrived, she looked very worried and heart broken. She told me I must believe whatever she tells me because she is my sister and will never deliberately hurt me. She said she had fought seriously with the story she was about to tell me on our behalf. However, they have been able to prove their case beyond any doubt to her and she had no choice but to let me into it.

“She began by asking a barrage of questions, what did Cole tell you he was doing abroad? Why did he say he has never been married? What would you say if it were your brother who said he had never been married at that age, would you not ask questions? She finally concluded that Cole is a big liar and has been lying all along”.

She said her friend who is a friend to the younger sister of Cole’s friend told her that Cole is married to another woman. They also have two teenage children; a boy and a girl all living together. All I have been told is a lie and Cole married me just to please his mother who insists he marry someone close to home, she continued. At this point, I felt the blood drain from my head, face and body growing limp. I didn’t know I had slumped until I woke up to see my sister standing beside me. My blouse and hair were soaked with water, I was told I passed out, I felt my life has been ruined.

I asked my sister if she had told anyone yet and she said she wanted to tell me first before telling our parents. So I begged her not to tell anyone just yet, I needed to do my own investigations. It was then that some of the things I had seen started making sense to me.

One day, Cole and his mum were discussing on the phone and when she wanted to hang up, she started talking about greeting the children and their mother. I concluded she must have been referring to his younger brothers and their families. It never occurred to me that the children she used to ask about all the time were Cole’s. If their mum is a foreigner, it would mean also that I have a good guess of who these children could be. Several times, I’d seen pictures of some foreigners in the family album but I never thought to ask who they were. Come to think of it, I had seen pictures of the same kids on Cole’s phone and he told me he is their Godfather but people know them as his children because they spend a lot of time at his place. It made sense because a bachelor’s apartment could sometimes be very conducive for almost any activity, especially for young people. Within me, I had concluded that they were going to be part of the people I would have for company when finally I move to my ‘so called’ husband’s house. I never knew I was fooling myself.

I couldn’t hold back my anger and anxiety that night. He would always call but I put the call through that day and it was the first question I put to him. He asked if I am crazy and who had told me such bogus stories. I didn’t know how I answered him but I know I was shouting and calling his name. By the time I finally asked what he was planning to do with me and my daughter, I didn’t hear anything from the other end only to realize he’d hung up.

This could be similar to what is happening to some so called foreign husbands-look before you leap.

NEUROSCIENCE AND RELATIONSHIP

Neuroscience and relationship

When it comes to your body or life, not much happens without emotion.  To your brain, emotions are essential chemical signals that connect all the systems of your body 24/7, in a complex and sophisticated communication network like no other.
To your mind, or conscious and subconscious self, your body’s ability to transmit signals of emotion and physical sensations help you survive and thrive the myriad of social, intellectual and emotional challenges of life, which are natural to your own unique growth and development patterns.
How vital is this communication? Quite, as it is impossible not to communicate or to relate, it’s a quality of life matter.
Like it or not, you are a walking-talking communication system. To be alive is to communicate, to relate, and to connect with the world within and around you. Your brain is a relationship organ, which makes you a social being at heart.

Conscious Communication: Five Attributes of Conscious-Listening

Conscious communication is a window into the world of our heart and mind – and another’s from their vantage point.
As a tool, it’s a way to manage the energies we bring to our communications, so that we remain consciously aware of what is going on inside of us, our feelings, thoughts, what we want and need, and so on, without getting triggered.
In Part 1 we described eight attributes of a conscious way of talking. In this post, the focus is on attributes of conscious-listening.
Conscious-listening is a way of being intentionally present to see, to know and to recognize our own and another’s felt presence and unique value in the relationship. Safe to say, it’s not possible to authentically love another, without being willing to freely give the essential gift of listening. In other words, if we’re not genuinely listening to another, sooner or later, they will stop listening to us. (They have no choice, it’s physics.)
Listening as critical to healthy relationships?
Listening is perhaps the most critical component of effective communication. That’s because we are hardwired with emotion-drives that propel us to feel known, heard, understood, valued, and so on, aspects of our overarching drive to do more than merely survive life, to also thrive, to matter and meaningfully connect in relation to life around us. In fact, our drive to thrive in life is also critical to our physical health and survival, as stress directly impacts our health, emotional, mental and physical, in negative ways.
As important as it is to resolve past or present problems, for example, when one or both parties lack empathic listening skills, problems quickly rise to the level of seeming “impossible” to solve. Why?

• The problems themselves become non-issues because the “real” issues are questions of the heart that cannot be solved with logic alone.
• Not realizing this, we over focus on improving our “logic” – hoping to find some way to get them to see our side (disprove their logic), and thus are so blind we fail to see, that: No one is present on the other end to listen.
• The more we approach our relationship issues like a courtroom,with lawyers, judge or jury, the further we push away from the other or push them away, or both.
• Even the logic skills of the sharpest lawyer in town cannot open a heart that is closed, has lost connection because it: does not feel safe enough to love.

In short, our drives to thrive are emotional and thus also relational in nature, and thus issues cannot be solved with logic (alone). In fact, our attempts to resolve them with “logic” are the cause of much resistance, suffering, confusion, despair, perhaps also loss of hope and feelings of powerlessness.
(It’s physics: For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction.)
Most emotional distress or overwhelm roots back to blockages or inability to find healthy options to satisfy our core emotion-drives.
One-sided listening (focusing mostly on the concerns of one, and not the other is a very common problem in relationships…) always breaks down eventually (unless of course it’s in the nature of a “working” relationship, such as parent-child, therapist-client, etc.). When our thoughts or views feel dismissed, unimportant, ignored by the other, eventually, our body subconsciously recognizes them as “threats” (eventually even “enemies”), thus, activates our defenses, perhaps for the smallest infractions.
This form of “listening” often stems from fear, shame or guilt shuts, which are emotional states shut down the processes of the frontal cortex. It is not real listening and rather a form of “obeying”; doing what another wants “without questioning” is also obeying and not real respect per se.
The challenges of resolving issues can be lessened considerably when we understand that, ultimately, it is in our highest interest as individuals to consciously act in ways that treat both self and other with dignity, and do so unconditionally. It is the key to growing healthy, vibrant relationships.
There are at least five attributes of conscious-listening:
1.  Train your mind to listen with an open heart.
Listening is the part we tend to find most challenging. And yet conscious-listening is incomparably more powerful than force. Failing to see this, we often rely on defensive tactics instead, which are punitive ways and energy-wasting ways of “fighting” to be heard, understood, appreciated. We do not realize the extent to which these actions are what blocks us from getting the love and connection we yearn for in our key relationships. We need a way of listening with an open heart, in which we consciously choose to treat one another with dignity, thus, consciously avoid judgments, accusations, blame, and other anxiety-provoking responses – like the plague. Is it easy? No! The good news? Our brains are hardwired for change. It’s known as plasticity. At any time we choose, and want to do so, we can learn skills and develop our capacity to be intentionally present to listen with our heart, more specifically: to focus on understanding (the heart of) what the other says, such as their positive intentions, not just their words; to be willing to let go of and suspend judgments or doubts; to practice listening objectively, for feelings, emotion-drives, positive intentions, as well as for layers of feelings and drives beneath the feelings, i.e., unfulfilled expectations, wishes, and so on; and last but not least, to believe we can.
2. Be an empathic presence.
To resolve conflict, regardless how intense the disagreement, we need to be willing and open to listening empathically. This allows us to remain connected to our compassion. (For self and other, based on the way our brains are hardwired with mirror-neurons, as compassion seems to be a two-way street.) Place yourself in the other’s shoes, and really look at the world from their perspective, understanding his or her feelings, emotion-drives. What is the underlying message? This does not mean you need to agree. Just see the world from where they are. When you do, this sends the heart warming messages such as:
“I value you as a person and recognize your unique perspective and experience of the world.”
“You are important to me, you are cared for, you are a real presence in my heart.”
“I believe in you and trust your ability to think, make choices and learn from any mistakes.”
These messages can be conveyed even without saying these words, or any words. Although hearing such words can be powerfully healing, these messages are also expressed by being consciously present, in mind and body, also aware of your body-talk when you are listening,  making eye contact, giving your full attention, the look on your face, perhaps touch when appropriate, all show your concern or care.
3. Give empathic responses.
Every communication is a bid for connection. Responses are powerful in that they let the other know whether you are empathically connected or not. When your response communicates you’re not connected to place where you seek to understand the other, you send a message that you do not care. Emotions directly affect your and their physiology, thus your communication. When you are not present, the other feels the disconnect in relation to you, and, unless they are have a set intention to remain aware and present, they can lose their own sense of safety and connection. For example, let’s say Jonathan comes home from work and says the following to his partner Sue: “My boss blasted me in front of my colleagues today!”
Examples of non-empathic responses:
Sue: “Look at you complaining again. Why don’t you just quit?”
Or–
Sue: “What did you do to get him angry this time?”
Neither of the above responses are effective. In the first, Sue’s comment dismisses John’s concern, treating him like a child who should stop complaining and grow up. In the second, even worse, the comment accuses, blames and attacks him as a person, sending a message that his effectiveness as a person is in question.
Examples of empathic response:
Sue: “I’m sorry to hear that. That must have been embarrassing.”
Or–
Sue: “How insensitive of him. Are you still upset about it?”
Though emotions span a broad range, pitch and depth in intensity and complexity, from the perspective of the body’s autonomic nervous system, ultimately, love and fear are the two main signals or feeling-physiological states of the body. In other words, all feelings root back to either love- or fear-based emotions.
 4. Be accepting.
Unconditional acceptance means letting go of judgments of the other as a person. Judging sets a competitive tone that turns conversations into competitions for who is superior and who is inferior, right and who is wrong, good or bad, better or worse, and so on. There are NO winners in these competitions when it comes to family relationships! To stop being judgmental, practice the following (it takes work!): consciously separate the worth and value of a person from their actions or behaviors. While it’s necessary to assess and think of what behaviors are harmful versus  enriching, when we attack or condemn a person’s character, we are literally striking lethal blows to the relationship we have (or had). It’s just human nature. Relationships follow laws of physics, such as: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Although common, it’s unrealistic to attack a person’s worth or capacity as a person, and then expect them to change their behavior, even thank and love us more! People tend to live up to expectations, and we wonder why. Be accepting and believe in others instead. It’s much more powerful than judging. Focus on giving unconditional acceptance instead.
5. Use clarifying questions.
Paraphrasing or repeating what you say allows you to clarify meanings and understand the other.  Sometimes it is necessary to ask questions to clarify meanings, such as “I’m not sure what you mean, Can you tell me more about this?” or “What do you mean by ‘too upsetting to deal with’? Asking for additional information not only helps you to better understand the other, it also sends a positive underlying message that “I want to know and value your perspective.” Nothing warms the heart more than sending a message that you value the other by valuing their viewpoint.
 Summing up…
Conscious communication is an intention, in challenging moments, to remain empathically connected to self and the other, rather than triggered and defensive. When we feel safe enough to be present, we are more likely to express ourselves authentically, and thus more likely to be listened to, validated and valued in return.

• In conscious communication, both talking and listening skills matter and work together, serving to provide an emotional experience that allows each person to feel safe enough to grow a quality relationship in which key emotional needs (not wants…) are expressed, mutually valued – and met through natural giving – from a place of love and joy, and not fear, shame or guilt.
• And since the ingredients that strengthen your relationships have to do with feeling states that you (consciously or subconsciously) energize in yourself and the other (i.e., with your self-talk, beliefs, etc.) — nothing is more important to healthy relationships than “adjusting” how you feel thus treat your self and the other in the moment.

It takes courage to consciously love another, as authentic love is more than a feeling, and rather ongoing acts of courage that mutually nourish self and other, as we stretch to be a listening presence, so we may better understand our self and the heart of another, as a non-judging witness to our and their personal concerns, needs, dreams and frustrations, etc.
We can choose to ignore but never change the reality of how we’re hardwired: Our deepest yearnings are to matter, to meaningfully connect, to contribute value in our relationships, and thus at minimum, we yearn to be treated with dignity (especially when upset).
When you talk and listen in ways that stretch you, particularly in moments where you may not “feel” like doing so, you exercise your ability to stretch and courageously develop the capacity to authentically love your self and another.

Ref: 
By Athena Staik, Ph.D.

WHERE IS THE “SWEET SPOT” IN YOUR MARRIAGE?

Happy married life is what every married person craves. Unfortunately, it has eluded many. Every Saturday, beautifully adorned brides march through the aisle to meet their heartthrobs for an onward journey that should last a lifetime. If you have ever watched a beautiful couple turn grumpy and miserable in a marriage, you will nearly weep. But it happens every other day!

Yet, people often marry, hoping to be happy thereafter. Even family and friends were on hand to wish them all the happiness that marriage can bring. So when faced with the daily grind of making and supporting a family, many couples almost lose their minds. This is so much that it has been said that ‘the greatest of every married woman’s problems is her husband’.

The husbands are not spared the troubles, and sometimes, trials that being married often brings. But many marriages are doing quite well. So you are wondering what could make a difference in your marriage.

Experts say a great marriage is often is often built out of different components: good communication; shared interests; a healthy sex life and many other issues of compatibility. The truth is that no couple is ever doing great in every area all the time. Is that the case in your marriage too?

So, instead of spending all your time fretting over the things that need work, give yourself and your husband a break every now and then and celebrate what you have got right in your marriage. It will only cost you a little soul searching. If you can take an objective look at your marriage and spouse, you could discover the ‘sweet spot’ in your marriage. Doing so would spare you a lot of heartache and you could win back the love and respect of your spouse. Above all, it will do your health a world of good.

Maybe, you are wondering where and if there is anything sweet in your relationship with your spouse. Just as no one person is all together bad, so is no marriage irreparably bad. There must be something worth celebrating in your union, whether your marriage was arranged or you met and fell in love years back. You can find the ‘sweet spot’ in your marriage when you listen when you listen to the tales of woe some of your friends have of their marriage. Also, if you have the privilege of watching court proceedings of estranged couples, you will hear things that could tickle your ears.

Sometimes you read some weird stories of love gone awry on the newspapers and magazines. Well, all of those are no excuse for troubles you may have in your marriage. But do you know what they can do for you? They can help you appraise your own situation. It may well be that even couples whose stories you read failed to see where the grass is green in their union. Possibly, that is why they made a public mockery of the ones they vowed to hold and cherish.

PARENTING:       For some couples, the sweet spot is in parenting their children. One woman who, who struggles to feel emotionally close to her husband, confessed that when it comes to parenting, they see eyeball to eyeball. “Parenting is what we do best together. We have similar perspective on what the children need, we are in step with each other on how to get there and that part of life just comes very naturally for us”.

If that is also true in your case, then start basking in that euphoria, because for many other couples, that is where the headache is.

FRIENDSHIP:      While the woman referred to above battles to remain emotionally close to her husband, another woman has that on a platter of gold. She explains that while her husband does not spend time talking about his feelings, but he enjoys spending time with her. “We are really each other’s most trusted friends. Friendship is the glue that keeps us feeling close. Somehow, it seems that we understand each other naturally”.

If you have that type of friendship with your husband, it can make up for a lot of other things your marriage may be lacking. Yet for this woman, her greatest concern was how to get her husband to save up for the future.      “During our courtship, we discussed our plans for the future. I got the impression that we saw eyeball to eyeball on money matters, but that was not to be. After our wedding, I discovered that her idea of saving for the future is for a new car! I was devastated.”

          “He is very lousy when it comes to getting a job; keeping it is even worse. He has been out of job for more than four months now, but we are managing on what I earn. I am hoping that he gets another job soon. Most importantly, I’m hoping that he will become better at managing money after what we have been through since he lost his job”.

FINANCES:          “One of the leading causes of contentions and divorce in marriage is finances,” says Miriam Caldwell in her book titled; Don’t Let Money Ruin Your Marriage. Money problem is most couples’ problem. Many married couples will tell you that many of their disagreements centre on the five letter word-Money.

          The problem is not about the size of the wallet but on agreement on money matters. For some couples, this is one of the single greatest sources of stress. So if you find that you and your spouse are able to work together well to manage your money and work toward your financial goals, pat yourself on the back.

          It is a major feather in your relationship cap if you can stay on the same page where your money is concerned. It can also save your family from the negative consequences of a lack of discipline in that regard.

FAITH:       This one is a big problem for many couples. While many have been able to manage a religiously divided home, many others are not doing that great. Where you share the same religious views, you can be sure that no matter what questions that may arise in the course of your marriage, they can be answered or at least survived if you share if you share a strong common spiritual foundation.

          According to Kristen Houghton in an article; Religion and Marriage, “Having the same religious and spiritual beliefs are part of the criteria many people use when seeking a marriage partner. They feel strongly that the person they are going to marry should have the same traditions, customs and intensity of purpose as they themselves do. For them, it is an integral part of marriage”.

          Well, being able to find a soul-mate within the religion one practices has been an ongoing challenge for many young people intent on marriage. More often than not, some end up with someone whose religious beliefs they do not hold dear, hoping to find a middle ground.

          While some are able to make such marriages work, others are battling a religiously divided household. So you see why you should savour that part of your married life if religion is not a problem. For many others, it is something for which they are prepared to give every other thing.

          A shared relationship with God brings couples closer and enhances every other aspect of marriage. Even if you quibble about some of the details of life, you can count on your faith to keep you grounded in the foundamentals. Your faith can also help you to forgive the failures and deepen your love for each other.

          It does not matter the many other things you and your spouse have got wrong, just try celebrating what you have got right for once. Not only is it right thing to do for your marriage. It is the best thing you would ever do for your heart.

NOT JUST SAYING “I LOVE YOU”

If you are among the few people in life who have found true love, I enjoin you to do all you can to ensure that the oil of love in that relationship does not dry up. As the engine of a car cannot function effectively without a constant top-up of the oil; the same is applicable to the bonds that hold your relationship. You have to constantly find ways to increase the grease that nourishes your relationship or else, it stands the chance of getting knocked up.

If this question is thrown to couples “how many times do you say I love you” I’m sure so many people would say “more often” but is there any need to say it if its not backed up with action?

Although professing undying love to your partner is very important, unfortunately, it is not just enough. ‘I love you’ is not an only word thing, it should be backed up with action if you want the love to survive the test of time. While this phrase is a powerful conveyor of emotion, showing your love in other ways is just as significant, and possibly even more effective at keeping a relationship alive and healthy.

Your love must be backed up with action before it can hold water or weather the storms of life. There are practical ways you can show how much you love someone without uttering those three words. First of all, your profession of love must measure up in your commitment to that person. Commitment is the foundation in which any relationship survives. There is no need to say ‘I love you’ when you do not even make that person or the things that concern him/her a priority in your life. Make him/her the number one person in your life by demonstrating it through active support.

Being thoughtful and taking the initiative to bring happiness to your partner is another simple and practical way to say ‘I love you’. It is the small things you do for your partner that really count. Take for instance, a woman whose husband is extremely rich and provides her material needs would feel insecured if he is not caring. Happiness in a relationship does not only result from the abundance of your possessions but in the demonstration of love and care from both parties involved.

Another way of professing your love practically is to always show your approval, gratitude and admiration for your partner on a daily basis. We all want to be shown approval for the things we do, whether it’s the way we provide for our family financially, the way we raise our children, the way we take care of the house, the way we do our jobs or our personal accomplishments. Don’t be stingy with compliments! Show appreciation anytime your hubby or wife does anything for you no matter how small. Compliment her looks and make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. While the woman responds with loving words loaded with respect for the man.

Words are very powerful. What we say goes a long way to actually depict how we truly feel in our hearts. You cannot say ‘I love you’ in one breath and the next thing, you are using hurtful and abusive words on your partner. Is that true love? Being constantly critical and only focusing on your partner’s negative attributes doesn’t say ‘I love you’ very well. In fact, its demeaning and will drive him/her away from your life.

Please recognize the damage your criticism may be causing in your relation ship. They are the little foxes that mess up a loving relationship; especially those that are insignificant. Rather, choose your battles wisely and lovingly lay out any complaints you might have at the most appropriate time.

Always respond to favours done to you by your partner with words of gratitude like ‘thank you’, ‘I appreciate what you did’ and ‘I admire you’. Such words can go a long way to straighten any ruffled feathers and give back the assurance that such a person is loved.

Finally, endeavour to be your partners’ best friend, always ready to lend a listening ear and being there when they need you most.

When you begin to say ‘I love you’ with action rather that with words, you will surely elicit a positive response from your partner that will reinforce the love both of you have for each other more than words can ever say.