Happy married life is what every married person craves.
Unfortunately, it has eluded many. Every Saturday, beautifully adorned brides
march through the aisle to meet their heartthrobs for an onward journey that
should last a lifetime. If you have ever watched a beautiful couple turn grumpy
and miserable in a marriage, you will nearly weep. But it happens every other
day!
Yet, people often marry, hoping to be happy thereafter. Even
family and friends were on hand to wish them all the happiness that marriage
can bring. So when faced with the daily grind of making and supporting a
family, many couples almost lose their minds. This is so much that it has been
said that ‘the greatest of every married woman’s problems is her husband’.
The husbands are not spared the troubles, and sometimes,
trials that being married often brings. But many marriages are doing quite
well. So you are wondering what could make a difference in your marriage.
Experts say a great marriage is often is often built out of
different components: good communication; shared interests; a healthy sex life
and many other issues of compatibility. The truth is that no couple is ever
doing great in every area all the time. Is that the case in your marriage too?
So, instead of spending all your time fretting over the
things that need work, give yourself and your husband a break every now and
then and celebrate what you have got right in your marriage. It will only cost
you a little soul searching. If you can take an objective look at your marriage
and spouse, you could discover the ‘sweet spot’ in your marriage. Doing so
would spare you a lot of heartache and you could win back the love and respect
of your spouse. Above all, it will do your health a world of good.
Maybe, you are wondering where and if there is anything sweet
in your relationship with your spouse. Just as no one person is all together
bad, so is no marriage irreparably bad. There must be something worth
celebrating in your union, whether your marriage was arranged or you met and
fell in love years back. You can find the ‘sweet spot’ in your marriage when
you listen when you listen to the tales of woe some of your friends have of their
marriage. Also, if you have the privilege of watching court proceedings of
estranged couples, you will hear things that could tickle your ears.
Sometimes you read some weird stories of love gone awry on
the newspapers and magazines. Well, all of those are no excuse for troubles you
may have in your marriage. But do you know what they can do for you? They can
help you appraise your own situation. It may well be that even couples whose
stories you read failed to see where the grass is green in their union.
Possibly, that is why they made a public mockery of the ones they vowed to hold
and cherish.
PARENTING: For
some couples, the sweet spot is in parenting their children. One woman who, who
struggles to feel emotionally close to her husband, confessed that when it
comes to parenting, they see eyeball to eyeball. “Parenting is what we do best
together. We have similar perspective on what the children need, we are in step
with each other on how to get there and that part of life just comes very
naturally for us”.
If that is also true in your case, then start basking in that
euphoria, because for many other couples, that is where the headache is.
FRIENDSHIP: While
the woman referred to above battles to remain emotionally close to her husband,
another woman has that on a platter of gold. She explains that while her
husband does not spend time talking about his feelings, but he enjoys spending
time with her. “We are really each other’s most trusted friends. Friendship is
the glue that keeps us feeling close. Somehow, it seems that we understand each
other naturally”.
If you have that type of friendship with your husband, it can
make up for a lot of other things your marriage may be lacking. Yet for this
woman, her greatest concern was how to get her husband to save up for the
future. “During our courtship, we
discussed our plans for the future. I got the impression that we saw eyeball to
eyeball on money matters, but that was not to be. After our wedding, I
discovered that her idea of saving for the future is for a new car! I was
devastated.”
“He is very
lousy when it comes to getting a job; keeping it is even worse. He has been out
of job for more than four months now, but we are managing on what I earn. I am
hoping that he gets another job soon. Most importantly, I’m hoping that he will
become better at managing money after what we have been through since he lost
his job”.
FINANCES: “One
of the leading causes of contentions and divorce in marriage is finances,” says
Miriam Caldwell in her book titled; Don’t
Let Money Ruin Your Marriage. Money problem is most couples’ problem. Many
married couples will tell you that many of their disagreements centre on the
five letter word-Money.
The problem is
not about the size of the wallet but on agreement on money matters. For some
couples, this is one of the single greatest sources of stress. So if you find
that you and your spouse are able to work together well to manage your money
and work toward your financial goals, pat yourself on the back.
It is a major
feather in your relationship cap if you can stay on the same page where your
money is concerned. It can also save your family from the negative consequences
of a lack of discipline in that regard.
FAITH: This one is
a big problem for many couples. While many have been able to manage a
religiously divided home, many others are not doing that great. Where you share
the same religious views, you can be sure that no matter what questions that
may arise in the course of your marriage, they can be answered or at least
survived if you share if you share a strong common spiritual foundation.
According to
Kristen Houghton in an article; Religion
and Marriage, “Having the same religious and spiritual beliefs are part of
the criteria many people use when seeking a marriage partner. They feel
strongly that the person they are going to marry should have the same
traditions, customs and intensity of purpose as they themselves do. For them,
it is an integral part of marriage”.
Well, being
able to find a soul-mate within the religion one practices has been an ongoing
challenge for many young people intent on marriage. More often than not, some
end up with someone whose religious beliefs they do not hold dear, hoping to
find a middle ground.
While some are
able to make such marriages work, others are battling a religiously divided
household. So you see why you should savour that part of your married life if
religion is not a problem. For many others, it is something for which they are
prepared to give every other thing.
A shared relationship
with God brings couples closer and enhances every other aspect of marriage.
Even if you quibble about some of the details of life, you can count on your
faith to keep you grounded in the foundamentals. Your faith can also help you
to forgive the failures and deepen your love for each other.
It does not
matter the many other things you and your spouse have got wrong, just try
celebrating what you have got right for once. Not only is it right thing to do
for your marriage. It is the best thing you would ever do for your heart.
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