Sunday, 17 March 2013

MARRIED BUT LIVING SINGLE





It is the dream of every woman to find her own prince charming and Mr. Right, get married and be called Mrs. It is a dream they have harboured in their hearts since they were little. And when that husband comes in a package wrapped with success, the promise of life abroad and access to the good things of life, many women are likely to throw caution to the winds. Unfortunately for some, reality may sometimes be different from dreams and they find themselves trapped in between two worlds, neither married nor single. The story as reported bothers on distant marriage.

 My younger sister called me one day to tell me she had something very urgent and important to discuss with me. When she arrived, she looked very worried and heart broken. She told me I must believe whatever she tells me because she is my sister and will never deliberately hurt me. She said she had fought seriously with the story she was about to tell me on our behalf. However, they have been able to prove their case beyond any doubt to her and she had no choice but to let me into it.

“She began by asking a barrage of questions, what did Cole tell you he was doing abroad? Why did he say he has never been married? What would you say if it were your brother who said he had never been married at that age, would you not ask questions? She finally concluded that Cole is a big liar and has been lying all along”.

She said her friend who is a friend to the younger sister of Cole’s friend told her that Cole is married to another woman. They also have two teenage children; a boy and a girl all living together. All I have been told is a lie and Cole married me just to please his mother who insists he marry someone close to home, she continued. At this point, I felt the blood drain from my head, face and body growing limp. I didn’t know I had slumped until I woke up to see my sister standing beside me. My blouse and hair were soaked with water, I was told I passed out, I felt my life has been ruined.

I asked my sister if she had told anyone yet and she said she wanted to tell me first before telling our parents. So I begged her not to tell anyone just yet, I needed to do my own investigations. It was then that some of the things I had seen started making sense to me.

One day, Cole and his mum were discussing on the phone and when she wanted to hang up, she started talking about greeting the children and their mother. I concluded she must have been referring to his younger brothers and their families. It never occurred to me that the children she used to ask about all the time were Cole’s. If their mum is a foreigner, it would mean also that I have a good guess of who these children could be. Several times, I’d seen pictures of some foreigners in the family album but I never thought to ask who they were. Come to think of it, I had seen pictures of the same kids on Cole’s phone and he told me he is their Godfather but people know them as his children because they spend a lot of time at his place. It made sense because a bachelor’s apartment could sometimes be very conducive for almost any activity, especially for young people. Within me, I had concluded that they were going to be part of the people I would have for company when finally I move to my ‘so called’ husband’s house. I never knew I was fooling myself.

I couldn’t hold back my anger and anxiety that night. He would always call but I put the call through that day and it was the first question I put to him. He asked if I am crazy and who had told me such bogus stories. I didn’t know how I answered him but I know I was shouting and calling his name. By the time I finally asked what he was planning to do with me and my daughter, I didn’t hear anything from the other end only to realize he’d hung up.

This could be similar to what is happening to some so called foreign husbands-look before you leap.

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