7 TIPS FOR A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Hi Everybody,

 Any relationship devoid of frequent ups and downs could be termed a perfect one. It doesn't mean life itself does not come with disappointments but the way we handle them determines how successful we will finally be. Kindly read along with me as I share this little but rewarding tips on growing a better partner.

1.     Trust:         I always like to pick this definition of trust by the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary; the believe that somebody/something is good, sincere, honest etc and will not try to trick or harm you. This has to be a unifying factor because even before you go into it, you in one way or the other have applied some degree of trust. Its like going to a shopping mall to buy some thing which is sealed, you believe that the product or container has the content you are looking for even though you have an option of returning it when your expectation is cut off. Once you enter into a relationship, trust that the relationship will deliver (lead to a successful one) then trust in your partner. Take it upon yourself that this is what you have to do if this relationship must work. Do not always have that premonition that s/he could not be trusted and what if I give all I’ve got and there’s no assurance of getting the trust back. Before you think that way, have this at the back of your mind that there is a natural law which known or unknown to us, applies in virtually everything we do-“what goes around comes around”. Even when s/he is a player, flirt or just trying to fool around, one day destiny will strike and you will get all that you’ve invested to make it work either from your current date or someone else.

              I try to compare trust in a relationship with a lone football striker in a team even when his teammates know too well that it takes   two strikers to make a better finish than one, they give him the ball believing that somehow, one of his shots will be converted. In another      view, one can see it as a child running to welcome his father, he runs    with all the strength he has and jumps to hug his father, the little boy     has the faith that the father can never allow him fall. The same is         applicable to relationships, always believe in it and see every sign of      failure as an avenue to amend things.

2.     Commitment:       This is where willingness comes in. Just like the job we do, waking up very early in the morning to beat traffic in our bid to get to the office on time. Trying in the best way we can to meet our customer’s need and still achieve the set goals of the firm or business. If we can work this hard just to see that we meet our everyday need, we can do even more to maintain a hitch free relationship. Relationships just like every other aspect of life require high sense of responsibility. Its not just a “waka pass” thing because you are not acquaintances. It is something you invest in and there is no way anybody could expect profit from where he never invested. It is more like a secretary who resumes work by 8:00am and closes by 4:00pm. She would always want to come before her boss and leave office after her boss must have left. She tries as much as she can to get to the office at least few minutes before 8:00am, that way she is investing her time, her skills, her experiences. Knowing fully well that if she doesn’t, she could be fired. Now if she can do all this just to keep her job, she can do even more to keep her man.

3.     Honesty:     This most times are the problems of the guys they will say do I need to tell a woman everything, she will take you for granted. But I have discovered something about ladies, if you are honest to a girl, she will learn to trust you and once you can win her trust, you can as well win her love. The truth of the matter is; someone you are not honest to will always have that feeling that you are cheating on her. She asks you who the girl on phone is and you and you say she is your third cousin, why not tell her it’s the girl you met in your friend’s birthday (if its how you knew) and one thing leading to another, you exchanging pleasantries. Though she might feel bad and insecure but at least she believes you can always confide in her, yes, she knows there’s a girl next door but she can always believe in you. One thing we fail to understand is that if we lie and she discovers the truth, she becomes afraid of two things; I can’t trust him and I can’t boast he is mine. No doubt, there are times when white lies are inevitable just to salvage a situation but when its not necessary, it is better avoided. I have discovered its one of the most difficult things on earth, even when you are a professional liar, one day you will forget the sequence of your lies say something that contradicts all you’ve been saying.

4.     Forgiveness:        No matter how righteous and faithful we are, we will be offended directly or indirectly so disagreements are inherent in relationships but in life, we only disagree to agree. Do not always allow a quarrel between you exceed that day no matter the magnitude, assume that once you go to bed at night, it is only natural to sleep over it and settle before the following day. The more you nurse a feeling over time, the more you find it difficult to forgive, as it grows, it gives your mind room to believe you are better off with it. You might say within you; I want to punish him/her for treating me that way while within your partner, he thinks he is fairing better without you. Remember, no one is irreplaceable.

5.     Time Apart:  I know this might sound weird but it works. Though they say; the closer, the better, but there are times when you really have to allow yourselves miss each other. I strongly believe that absence makes the heart grow fonder. The more you miss, the more you would want to meet but while you are apart, always keep in contact through communication.

6.     Friendship: Your lover is your friend; he is the person you can always confide in. Lovers shouldn’t see themselves as just partners or people in a relationship. There are more to it than we think, your friend is someone you like, someone you can get intimate with, one whom you can easily share secrets and feelings with. Its just like our growing up days when we always have someone we always walk around with in school, both of you always play during break (usually the same sex), sit side by side in class, stand next to each other during assembly/demolition, comes home with you and is known by your parents and siblings. You cannot deny the fact that he is your friend. This is applicable to relationships, if both of can live, adopt and behave as if it were in those days where the skies were blue, then you can make the relationship work.

7.     Love:          Just as the Bible says in 1^st Corinthians 13; and now I will show you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and you the most excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and well knowledge, and if I can have faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. Love is patient, its kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, its neither proud nor rude. Its not self seeking and not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the both. It  always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It never fails. Always remember that the greatest is love, an agape one at that.

Thanks.