Hello wonderful people, I was going through some articles one
day when I ran into this I think I should share with you.
“My husband and I had a heard time in the beginning of our
marriage, it is better now though we still fight every now and then, but I am
usually the one to say I’m sorry. Even so, I am usually the one to start
talking to him because I want to let go of the fight”, says Abigail, a middle
aged woman. She is worried that she is always the one apologizing and trying to
make up after every fight with her husband. “My husband doesn’t say sorry, even
after he gave me a black eye. He still didn’t say sorry.
I asked my self ‘when does it get to be too much that I say
sorry first?’ I am starting to feel that I am being taken for granted and taken
advantage of. Shouldn’t he make the first move sometimes? Shouldn’t he say
sorry too? I feel like he is running over me and I am loosing myself.” So, most
women will likely relate with Abigail’s dilemma. Like Abigail’s husband, most
men find it very hard to apologize to their partners. Often, people wonder why
that is the case. Yet, as kids, the same people learned from their elders to
say, I am sorry, excuse me please, thank you. But as they grow into men, it
becomes more difficult for them to utter these words, especially when it
involves the opposite sex. It’s kind of annoying, the women know.
Some men, instead of saying sorry would prefer to show it by
their actions. They do it in different ways. “My husband would say sorry by
taking me shopping. It doesn’t work, though I love the new shoes. For my
husband to say sorry, it’s like getting blood out of a stone. Never! Says
Ijeoma who has been married for close to eight years. According to Brett McKay
in his article-How to apologise like a man. While ‘I’m sorry’ are just mere two
words, they are the most difficult for men to utter. We easily utter them in
response to trivial matters like accidentally jostling a stranger on the subway
or giving the cashier the wrong change. Yet in important matters and to those
who mean the most to us, we find ourselves practically choking on the words.
But the inability to apologize is a necessary step in moving from boy to man.”
“One of the reasons men choke on the words many people many
people believe is because of pride. A proud man may find it difficult to
apologize, even though deep down inside, he knows he is wrong. This is an
example of a man’s ego that is out of proportion. He is more worried about
hurting her pride than saying he is sorry, or worse, he worries more about his
pride than his partner’s feelings”. Says a relationship expert, Josienita
Borlongan.
Similar to the first, its all about the image or perception.
Appearing weak in front of the opposite sex is something most men try to avoid.
To some, asking for forgiveness is a sign of weakness. They think that
apologizing is a sign of weakness, they think that apologizing diminishes their
self respect.
Some men do not simply like to be wrong, to them; it’s a sign
of in competence. Others would rather be rude and not apologize than admit
their guilt, continues Borlongan. It is much more difficult to say it with
words; therefore, they show it in deeds, buying their partners peace offerings
like chocolates and flowers. Some become extra attentive to their partners,
hoping they will notice.
REAL MEN APOLOGIZE TO THEIR PARTNER
So, why do men find it difficult to utter this healing two
word sentence to their partner, one correspondent; John Uchegbu has this to
say. “It’s a macho thing that some guys do, they feel the world owes them a
living and why do they have to apologize for their mistake? Anyway, a true man
is willing to apologize when he is wrong, and says he is sorry with sincerity.
Another respondent, Mrs. Joy Umeda said it’s because men hate to lose. Jane
Amah believes that the majority of men do not like to admit that they are wrong
because of pride, “I suppose it’s because of pride since they have been
programmed to think that the men is superior. But you have noticed that behind
every successful man, there is a woman. Most of them won’t admit that but the
weaker sex knows better. McKay in his book; ‘How to apologize like a man’, is
of the view that men should learn to apologize even when its not fully their
fault. “There is a breed of man who will not apologize unless he feels 100% at
fault for something. But hardly is there a situation having 100% one person’s
fault. If your wife flew off the handle and called you some cutting things for
seemingly no reason, it’s not because she is not an ice princess; she’s hurt
because you’ve been working 80 hours per week and not spending enough time with
her. Even if the fault split is 1-99%, you still need to work hard to humble
yourself and come to an understanding of what that 1% is rooted in. Do not live
your life as though everyday you are pleading your case before an imaginary
court, presenting evidence for why you are not at fault. It is not as important
to be right as it is to have healthy relationships with others. Would you
rather be right and give up your relationship with someone special? Would you
rather be right than lift the hurt feelings from your better half? Being self
satisfied in your justice offers little benefits but the feeling of smugness
won’t keep you warm at night. Relationship experts say that you don’t have to
apologize for what truly isn’t your fault, but that you can find the things
that will get the ball rolling for the other person to own up to her mistakes.
Don’t let pride stop you from being the bigger person and taking the
initiative. That is being the real man you know!
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