ARE YOU IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

Having a long lasting, mutually satisfying relationship is possible; you just have to make the relationship work. You may not have to be into big public displays of affection. Some couples love in a much quieter, subtler way, one that’s brought them both great happiness, as well as the capacity to endure challenges and hardship. People in successful relationships owe much of their success to small acts of respect, compassion, anticipation, honesty and generosity.

When couples are in a state of distress and hopelessness about their partnership, it is often difficult for them to have a sense of what a healthy relationship looks like. When people feel isolated, separated or distanced from their partners, they react by becoming anxious, angry and controlling or they withdraw and put into themselves. We all need relationships for survival. Most couples understand this to some level but don’t have a sense of what it looks like to be connected and supportive of each other. Always treat your partner with respect, honesty and integrity. It takes a great deal of courage to allow oneself to risk being open to another person. This is even greater when that person really matters to us. Being sure to treat our partner the same way that we want to be treated strengthens our bonds.

Endeavour to be there if your partner is in distress and offer him/her a safe haven. We all need safe emotional connection and someone that we can depend on when we are upset, feeling down or feeling unsure of ourselves out in the world. Feeling emotionally isolated from our partner is terrifying. Learning to be there for each other when needed is the ultimate act of love.

 We all have our weaknesses and therefore should be willing to accept your partners weaknesses, not just their strengths, understanding where our partner is vulnerable and what their fears may be will create a sense of knowing what builds a strong foundation upon which a relationship can build and grow. We fall in love with our partner’s strengths and theirs with ours. It is the vulnerabilities and fears that create the bumps that is capable of creating a disconnect in the relationship.

It is important to always resolve conflicts in a general and loving way. When we feel secure with our partner, we are more able to resolve differences easily and not get caught in blaming each other and fighting to the death. Knowing that fights are really protests over emotional disconnection can aid you in moving more quickly to resolution.

Some couples don’t show interest in their partner’s life. This is a mistake. When there is a strong bond in a relationship, we are more open and curious to the things that excite our partner. We will not be able to create a strong connection unless we allow our partner to truly know us and for us to truly know them in return. Joining with our partner in things that make them happy creates the strong connections that we yearn for.

Learning to forgive your partner when they make mistakes helps you reconnect more readily when there is an upset. The willingness to attend to our partner’s deepest disclosures is the beginning of mutual responsiveness and healthy connection.

It is also advisable to show reassurance and support when we can, let our partner know that they are still loved even when we may be upset by their actions. Openness, attunement and responsiveness are key elements of a secure relationship.

Just as a flower will wilt and die if it is neglected, your relationship will also fail to thrive if you don’t take the time to nurture it. Celebrate the big and small moments in the relationship.

Love is a continual cycle of coming together and loosing connection. If we trust the connection, we shouldn’t feel so much distress when there is a disagreement. Ultimately, we know that our partner is there for us.

Going out on dates, making small gestures and creating rituals will strengthen the bond between you so that you can withstand the bumps that are inevitable in any relationship.